My first year of teaching, I could not relate to the feelings these sounds provided because I felt as though I was constantly “on” as I gave everything I had to my students. I was fresh out of a credentialing program and determined to be the “best super teacher” ever in my first year. In my mind, I was qualified as I was a substitute teacher with the flexibility to be bonded and have the class in order by the 1st recess. I knew about the latest research to education and learning and I am a first born, a natural born leader or that’s what they say.
You see, I walk this weird line of being a perfectionist and not recreating some of the traumatic experiences I received in school. At the same time, I felt the need to keep everyone involved happy at all times. In this process, I was enrolled in two school programs along with volunteering. I took my school breaks and days off, however, I was always creating something for my students or looking for ways to support another student the first workday we returned. I thought if I worked harder than Child XYZ would more quickly meet the goals.
If I said yes to every request then I could hide the one thing that all these projects were hiding: my insecurity. There, I said it out loud! My insecurity is rooted with the expectation that I am to be the model, the leader, the example as people are always watching or so I thought. I did not have the confidence in myself to say that I am a good, no scratch that, great teacher. I had to give myself permission to every once in awhile to toot my own horn.TOOT TOOT!
This is a representation, almost a symbol of the process of learning from going to a perfectionist to a balanced individual. Don’t get me wrong, my perfectionist tendencies do creep up and do their duty, however, I am in a journey as using those tendencies as a tool and basking in more opportunities to practice self care. My Dear Friend, this journey will demonstrate ideas that I have found useful and relevant. Before the eye roll of “oh goodness, not another teacher blog”, I want to look at differently. Consider this a learning document in which ideas can be shared and provided as we navigate through this process together.